Liver Jousting Recap #1: The Meltdown
Well, I survived the liver stabbing procedure! In reality, the actual procedure was the calmest part of my day…
Let me set up the scene for you…
Despite being clad in the fanciest, most magical unicorn leggings ever to be sold on Amazon, I was a bundle of nerves that morning.
I had been NPO since the night before and was hungry and headed towards hangry.
I had taken my first Ativan and while it was doing nothing to calm me down, it was doing wonders to crank up my flare for the dramatic.
Then, on our way to NOLA for the test, my doctor sent a very confusing email to my patient portal that essentially added lighter fluid to the raging fire that was my nerves.
And when we finally arrive at the hospital we are told that they are running way behind and that the procedure that I so desperately want to get the heck over with is going to be delayed.
So, I do this thing when I am going thru big life stuff; I can’t help it or control it, it’s just the way I’m wired. It’s not that I put on a brave face or ignore my feelings, it’s just that somehow I manage to keep my cool and deal with what’s going on…. until I suddenly have a meltdown. I never know what’s going to trigger the come apart or when it’s going to happen. And once it starts there is no stopping it or slowing it down. I will be totally fine, calm, going with the flow and then all of a sudden every ounce of emotion I’ve been holding in is suddenly exiting my body thru my eyeballs.
I did this several weeks after my grandmother passed away. I did it in the middle of packing for our move to Florida. Heck, I even had one of these episodes after I became an aunt for the first time. Like I said, it’s how my brain must be wired to deal with highly emotional life changes and situations.
And then I did it in the same day surgery waiting room at Ochsner Hospital. Every bit of fear, worry, stress, confusion and general uncomfortableness that I had felt this past month came to a head at that moment. I promise on my pacemaker that I wish I had better control over these outbursts. I know my family wishes I could pick more opportune times to have meltdowns.
In the end, it took three nurses to get me calmed down. I was back to being cool as a cucumber and totally calm before my procedure, way before any drugs were administered.
Now, I am fully aware that having a public temper tantrum is probably not the healthiest coping mechanism, but as I get older and go thru more health crap, the less cares I give about what’s normal or correct. No part of my life has been normal, so why strive for that now? So, just I am owning my fear, I am owning my meltdown. I encourage anyone else going thru medical stuff, or any other life stuff, that feels to need to just let it out to do so and to own your meltdown with pride.
Stay tuned for the rest of my Liver Jousting Recap…
(And a BIG shout out to my lovely friend Ansley for letting me steal the phrase “liver jousting”)