The Feisty Fontan

For as long as I can remember my mom has told me that she believes the universe has always provided me what I need when I needed it. Everything from a medication being approved just in time to the random kindness of a stranger, I do have to agree with her that there have been numerous times that I have been blessed by the universe.

Luckily during my liver jousting, the universe provided for me once again and delivered the perfect distraction from the complete and total awareness I had of my liver being gouged out by a biopsy gun….

During my actual procedure, I become the first patient that the Interventional Radiologist had seen in his twenty years that had absolutely NO reaction to Versed. (Again, must be another weird part of the way I am wired.) I was totally awake and aware for the entire procedure (despite a “very, very generous dosage of sleepy drugs.”) However, this enabled me to provide some music education to a room full of radiology techs…

(Backstory: I am an avid music lover and consider myself a music snob. I am a huge fan of Old Crow Medicine Show and their version (the original version) of “Wagon Wheel” is one of my favorite songs. I plan on Ketch Secor, the lead singer and fiddle player extraordinaire, on being my second husband. Therefore, it is part of my life’s mission to educate the masses on the fact that “Wagon Wheel” was not written by the pseudo-country singer formerly known as Hootie and to inform them on the true origins of this classic song.)

When the Versed did nothing, the doctor asked if there was anything else they could do to make me more comfortable. I asked him to please to turn off the crap county music and to turn the Pandora that was pulled up on the computer in the room to The Avett Brothers station.

A few minutes into the procedure, with a huge needle sticking out of my gut and my liver in the process of actively being stabbed, the correct and true version of “Wagon Wheel” comes on. The doctor actually says “Oh, I like this song. But this isn’t Darius Rucker; doesn’t he sing this song?” I resisted the urge to pull the needle out my stomach and stab him with it. Instead, I semi-calmly told him that it is NOT an original Darius Rucker song, but that it was in fact co-written by the Nobel prize winning Bob Dylan and ever-so-talented and ever-so-handsome Ketch Secor of Old Crow Medicine Show. I then informed the room that their ears were currently being blessed with the much better version of this catchy tune.

Now, as ridiculous as this story sounds, it truly was the best distraction that could have possibly been provided for me. Anyone who has had the joy of hearing my “Hootie didn’t write Wagon Wheel” spiel in real life knows how passionate I can be on this topic.

Maybe it is totally farfetched to be like “the universe played ‘Wagon Wheel’ at that moment just for me.” However, when you have a serious medical condition, it is really easy to feel like the universe is out to get you and to focus on all the ways you feel like the world is dumping additional crap onto your situation. And while I do have those moments and sometimes those moments cause epic meltdowns, in the end I really do try my best on focus on all the good; on all the little ways that I am blessed and on all the little things that happen to make living with my health situation more bearable. And in that moment, when I was more terrified than I had been in a long time, that happy little musical accident provided me enough good to focus on that my fear become second fiddle. (Music pun totally intended)

Told y’all my unicorn leggings were magical….